Divorce Support Groups

Divorce Support Groups

By: PK Jordan

During divorce, you should not have to face it alone.  There are many resources out there concerning divorce support.   Here is a group called Divorce Care.  The group has been around for 20+ years and there are over 16,000 locations that teach on Divorce Care worldwide.  http://www.divorcecare.org/  The curriculum is aimed to help you heal right where you are at.  The group is not looking for perfect people.  What a relief!

Below are the topic descriptions for Divorce Care as follows:

  • What’s happening to me?
  • The Road to healing/finding help
  • Facing my anger
  • Facing my loneliness
  • What does the owner’s manual say?
  • New relationships
  • Financial survival
  • Kid care
  • Single sexuality
  • Forgiveness
  • Reconciliation
  • Moving on, growing closer to God

At Divorce Care you are not expected to share.  You are asked to commit to three weeks minimum.  You deserve to heal and be a better you.  If you have any questions regarding the group, please contact www.DivorceCare.org or call your mediator Pk Jordan at 480-788-4187 for additional information.

Your mediator Pk Jordan was divorced 9 years ago.  I can tell you that support during divorce is essential.  Start today by taking your first step to healing.  http://www.divorcecare.org/

 

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)

Realistic Parenting Style Expectations

Realistic Parenting Style Expectations

By PK Jordan

Both parents should do their best to remain united when it comes to communication with each other and how you will raise your children. Don’t worry about giving notice to the children that you will speak with the other parent. It will reduce the opportunities for the children to circumvent and/or play both parents against each other.

Communication during divorce with limited emotion - 10 ways to effectively communicate with limited emotions

Here are some tips that both parents can live by:

Parenting Style Expectations:

  1. You cannot expect the other parent to parent like you.
  2. If your child has committed a grave wrong-doing at home, school, etc., you can share it with the other parent.
  3. Allow the other parent to decide the punishment at their home during their parenting time.
  4. Don’t make your recommendation on what the punishment should be at the other parents home. Your opinion is not always going to be welcomed. Only offer your opinion when asked.
  5. You can share with the other parent on how you will implement a punishment at your home. You are welcomed to ask for their thoughts.
  6. Don’t take it personally if they have a difference of opinion.       If you don’t want the truth, don’t ask for it.
  7. When you speak to the other parent, do not tell them “how”they need to think on a matter.
  8. When sharing something about the kids, don’t leave anything out or it can affect your credibility with the other parent and child.
  9. Don’t assume the other parent knows what you are thinking.       You may get the other parents support on your way of thinking.

It is a lot more fruitful when our parents work together. All parents have the ability to be reasonable, so long as we don’t demand the other parent to think as we think. Remember communication is all in how we deliver the message.

If you find that you are not able to communicate effectively with the other parent, we are here to guide our families through the process of effective communication. I am a mother of two teenagers and continue to learn techniques that work through my coaches and family counselors. Be a proactive parent today!

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)

business-card-pk

What does child support cover?

What does child support cover?

By: PK Jordan

Child support appears to be a hot topic with many parents. The parent that pays for child support wants some assurances that the child support is benefiting the children. Keep in mind there are a lot of responsible parents that use the money for its intended purpose. Yes, ultimately the children should benefit from the child support. It is those parents that we hear about that abuse the funds for themselves, who give the responsible parents a bad wrap for misappropriating the funds.

Let’s all be clear, the children cost a lot to raise and provide for.  They need to eat, sleep in a protected environment, they have needs at school and did I say “they eat.” I don’t know about you, but this is where my money goes. Here is where your child support should go to support your children:

  •  Food for children
  •  Clothing (not name brand clothes)
  •  School supplies
  •  Shoes for day-to-day wear (athletic shoes is covered by extra-curricular activities)
  •  Housing: utilities, rent, etc. (a portion of the cost for the children)
  •  Over the counter medicines
  •  School lunches
  •  Some restaurant dining (this expense needs to be reasonable and not abused)

 Image

When communicating with the other parent about the true needs, do not be accusatory. Communication can go smoothly when you outline your concerns in writing before speaking to the other parent. Work on a budget together. When you are considering two households, you will be surprised what the costs really are.

 

In divorce mediation we work with your budgets and show you how to live apart financially. A lot of times this is a hard conversation to have with the other parent. We can help you maneuver through the divorce process.

 

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)

Image

Child support determination is made by necessity and not always by the wants.

Child support determination is made by necessity and not always by the wants.

By PK Jordan

 

Necessity vs. Wants

 

You have decided to move forward with a divorce.  You are probably feeling overwhelmed right about now.  Yes, your circumstance will change, but it is how you deal with these changes moving forwardwhich will determine your outcome.

 

Now you will be faced with making decisions for yourself and for your family.  You then wonder “How am I going to make it financially on my own?”  Whew that is a lot!  I am going to high light some things for you to consider.  These suggestions are for anyone going through a divorce.

 

A budget needs to be created.  I mean, a realistic budget to cover your needs and NOT your wants.  I know that it’s hard to hear these words, but trust me you need to hear it.  I am only sharing what I know to be true.  I had to make a lot of financial adjustments during my divorce many years ago.

 

Child support  is by design to help with the expenses for the children such as:  food, shelter, clothing, day to day care, school supplies, child care services, over the counter medicines, educational needs (therapies, private school) and other expenses  that arise with your children.   Child support is to be viewed as “money for the children.”

 

Here are some helpful guidelines in determining your budget.

 

Living Expenses:

 

Housing:

Housing is not to replace what you had in the past.  It is not the home that matters, it’s whether the children live in a “loving home.”    Smaller is better.  What I have found is that larger homes can create a disconnect.  Why pay for extra square footage that is used very little?  Children want to be around where the family hangs out.  During a time of transition, it is important for the family unit to have one central meeting place – the family room.  Moving from a large home to a smaller home brought our family closer together.  Don’t forget there is a lot less to clean.

 

Electric usage during off peak

The electric bill can be a killer depending on where you live.  Your electric bill can be managed by using it on off peak hours vs. on peak.  Call your utility company and ask if they have a budget program where you pay the same rate monthly to allow for those high electric bills.  Share these changes with your family, this is a great way for you to teach your kids about managing family household expenses.  This can prepare your children for early adulthood.

 

Average bills

Before you move into a new location, it would be a good idea to call all of the utility companies such as: water, garbage, electric, gas, etc.  The utility company will need the address so that they can determine the average, low and high bills.  This will help you make a sound decision with the facts.  If the bills are too high, then move on to another property.

 

Food/Dining:

Many families have many different practices.  There are some families that hardly eat out and then there are those that are frequent consumers of dining out.  Often times dining out is more convenient due to sports practices for example.  If you have a high dining bill, you will most likely need to consider cutting back in other areas of your budget – so that you can accommodate your frequent dining.

 

Have a family meeting with the children.  Ask the children for their help.  Let them know you are making a budget.  Ask them what is important: school lunches or eating out?  The children will provide input.  You can provide a quality meal for less than the cost of school lunch.  Dining out is a treat and not a requirement 7 days a week.

 

Children can be a lot more flexible.  Allow them to be a part of the process rather than assuming what your kids want.  Your kids will surprise you.  Getting the Food/dining bill under control will be very helpful to your budget.

 

Courts will work with you

The court wants to see a reasonable budget so that they can allocate a child support that is appropriate for your family.  If your budget numbers are focused on the “wants” the Judge will see right through it and you may receive an unfavorable child support payment.  Keep in mind during the first year, adjustments need to be made so that you can truly measure your expenses. 

 

These suggestions are just that, suggestions.   I would recommend committing to a budget for one year.  You will find that when you manage your expenses, you will find extra money in your budget.  Every time you spend money you will ask yourself “Is this a Need or a Want?”  I am not saying to deny yourself a massage or a Starbucks coffee.  Give yourself a monthly allowance of $60-80 per month.  It’s yours and nobody can tell you how to spend it.

 

Trust yourself.  You have what it takes. Divorce doesn’t have to be scary so long as you have a game plan.  If you don’t have a plan, seek help from a trusted friend, financial planner or your accountant.

 

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)

Image

Mediation Topics for Divorce Sessions

Mediation Topics for Divorce Sessions

By: PK Jordan             Divorce Mediation Topics

Often times there appears to be a mystery on what is involved in a divorce proceeding.  Well, I am here to eliminate the mystery and to give you a snapshot of things for you to consider during your divorce.   Here are some of the topics of discussion:

  • Parenting Plan
  • Substitute for Childcare
  • Asset Distribution
  • Debt Distribution
  • Financial Asset Allocations IRA’s, Social Security,  401(k)
  • Child Support
  • Spousal Maintenance
  • Insurance(s)  Life, Auto, Health, Disability
  • Division of Personal Property
  • Real Estate Distributions
  • Small Business Dissolution in Marriage
  • Taxes (Personal/Business)  IRS, STATE, Privilege Tax to State
  • Dependent Tax Deduction and Schedule for your children
  • Educational needs for the children
  • Medical needs for the children
  • Legal Fees
  • Future Modification(s)
  • Pet care
  • Grandparent visitation

There are many other topics of discussion during a divorce mediation session.   I want you to be prepared for what is to come in the beginnings of your divorce.  Your decisions are not to be taken lightly and being prepared is important.

 Mediation is a great way to start your proceedings.

Many courts require the parties to seek resolution by working with conciliation services or a mediator before you can go before a Judge.  In mediation, you will be heard, your ideas will matter and you are given the opportunity to be involved in the decision making of your families future.

If there are other topics you would like to discuss, mediation is a place where you can cover your areas of concern.  With my clients, it’s not always about the money, but about specific emotional needs of assurance for their future.

We do interview teenage children (with the parent’s involvement) on questions they want us to ask during the session with their minor children in private.  This has helped a lot of families for parenting time and preserving the relationships of the children with their parents.  This allows the minor children to be heard and it assists parents in making the parenting plan to best suit their families needs.

Serving others is an honor. What you think and say matters to your mediator!

We assist families across the United States through Virtual Mediation through Video Conferencing. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)

IMG_3171-2

10 ways to have successful negotiations and not litigate

10 ways to have successful negotiations and not litigate

By:  PK Jordan    Mediate don’t litigate

 

What is mediation?

Mediation is defined as the process by which the participants, together with the assistance of a neutral person or persons, systematically isolate disputed issues to develop options, consider alternatives, and reach a consensual settlement that will accommodate their needs. Mediation is a process that emphasizes the participants’ responsibility for making decisions that affect their lives.

10 ways to successful negotiations in mediation:

  • Come with an open mind during mediation
  • Remain in control of your emotions
  • Make your own decision together
  • Ability to see the other persons point of view and respect them for it
  • Creative negotiations are welcome
  • Looking forward and not backward
  • Actively participate in the sessions
  • Supporting and understanding of the other parties ideas.
  • Ability to let go of past conflict once you have made an agreement
  • Making litigation a last resort

What if we already agree on some things?

Fantastic! The first thing that we want to do in mediation is to identify what you already agree on. We will use those points of agreement as a foundation for your overall agreement. Sometimes, the concepts that make sense to you on certain easy issues can be applied to resolve other issues as well. We will want to be sure that your agreement is well-informed and that you are aware of the many issues that you may want to consider. What is included in your agreement is up to you? Our goal is to support your decision-making and having a working agreement that you both can support.

What can I do to ensure a successful mediation?

Perhaps the most important thing any mediating party can do to ensure a satisfying and successful mediation experience is to prepare for the mediation discussions by seeking clarity as to individual desired outcomes and perceived standards of fairness. Being able to listen to the other party’s point of view, even when you don’t agree with it, will allow you to develop options that meet both of your needs. It is in the ability to see the whole picture from both perspectives that a mutually satisfying agreement will arise.

What are our chances for success in mediation?

My best estimate is that over 90% of mediating parties reach a comprehensive resolution, with at least half of the remaining 10% reaching at least some significant substantive resolution (e.g., parenting arrangements or financial resolution, but not both). I find this success rate to be high,  and believe the reason is that a motivated client recognizes the opportunity mediation provides.

My goal is to assist you in effectively, comfortably and confidently representing yourself (with any desired assistance by legal counsel) in mediation. In mediation, you will be making all of the decisions. The mediator has no decision-making power. Thus, it is important for you to consider how you can best represent your interests in mediation, as well as the results that you would like to create in mediation.

Serving others is an honor. What you think and say matters to your mediator!

We assist families across the United States through Virtual Mediation through Video Conferencing. Call today for a  Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)

evm-bc-pk 2017