Who qualifies for spousal maintenance/alimony?

Who qualifies for spousal maintenance/alimony?

By: PK Jordan


Divorce is on the horizon.  You have many concerns running through your mind.  You were provided for over the years, but now you’re facing new changes in your life.  Over the years, you have been a stay-at-home Mom or have very little job experience.    Nobody ever plans for divorce.  The reality is how are you going to live on your own and pay your bills???   Mediation can help you explore those options.  Below are some areas that you may qualify for spousal maintenance/alimony:

Is your education obsolete?

  • Have you been out of the work force for a substantial amount of time?
  • Was your job a stay-at-home mom for a long period of time?
  • Do you have a chronic health condition that limits you for working outside the home?
  • Do you have a special needs child that needs 24 hour care?
  • Medical insurance is too expensive to get on your own due to medical needs?
  • Where you married for a long time?
  • Did you participate in building a business with your spouse?

Keep in mind every State has their own criteria on who qualifies for spousal maintenance/alimony.  The items of qualifications need to be verified with the State’s Law.  The areas of possible qualifications are only provided for informational purposes.  This article is not invented as legal advice or determination.   Each case is unique and needs may vary from family to family.

East Valley Mediator can help you in figuring out your spousal maintenance need.  We would be glad to assist you in this matter. Call today for a Free Consult.

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)



Realistic Parenting Style Expectations

Realistic Parenting Style Expectations

By PK Jordan

Both parents should do their best to remain united when it comes to communication with each other and how you will raise your children. Don’t worry about giving notice to the children that you will speak with the other parent. It will reduce the opportunities for the children to circumvent and/or play both parents against each other.

Communication during divorce with limited emotion - 10 ways to effectively communicate with limited emotions

Here are some tips that both parents can live by:

Parenting Style Expectations:

  1. You cannot expect the other parent to parent like you.
  2. If your child has committed a grave wrong-doing at home, school, etc., you can share it with the other parent.
  3. Allow the other parent to decide the punishment at their home during their parenting time.
  4. Don’t make your recommendation on what the punishment should be at the other parents home. Your opinion is not always going to be welcomed. Only offer your opinion when asked.
  5. You can share with the other parent on how you will implement a punishment at your home. You are welcomed to ask for their thoughts.
  6. Don’t take it personally if they have a difference of opinion.       If you don’t want the truth, don’t ask for it.
  7. When you speak to the other parent, do not tell them “how”they need to think on a matter.
  8. When sharing something about the kids, don’t leave anything out or it can affect your credibility with the other parent and child.
  9. Don’t assume the other parent knows what you are thinking.       You may get the other parents support on your way of thinking.

It is a lot more fruitful when our parents work together. All parents have the ability to be reasonable, so long as we don’t demand the other parent to think as we think. Remember communication is all in how we deliver the message.

If you find that you are not able to communicate effectively with the other parent, we are here to guide our families through the process of effective communication. I am a mother of two teenagers and continue to learn techniques that work through my coaches and family counselors. Be a proactive parent today!

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)


Seeking reimbursement on outstanding bills from your spouse

Seeking Reimbursement on Outstanding Bills from Spouse

By PK Jordan

You are recovering from the Christmas season.  The kids are starting sports and they have outgrown their soccer shoes or their basketball shoes.  You say to yourself “I just bought those a few months ago.”  It is easier to share the burden when there are two incomes,  but you don’t want to ask for assistance from the other parent and deal with the hassle that can come with it.


Fast forward to a failed reimbursement issue(s) with your spouse or soon to be ex-spouse.  This is a common problem in many families.  I have some solutions in preventing this from happening.  Let me provide some explanation on why these issues occur.

  1. Parent makes the decision without consulting the other parent.
  2. Parent who is expecting reimbursement thinks they are entitled to continue their life style as it was during marriage.
  3. Some parents have not made the distinction that there are no longer two combined incomes.
  4. Parent fails to explain before the expense was incurred.
  5. Parent fails to put the agreement in writing for the approved expenses between parents.

Solution to Reimbursement:

  1. Before incurring the expense, email the other parent to give them an opportunity to review and assess.
  2. Give the other parent specifics: Ex. Sports.  Time, Location, Frequency, duration of season, cost.
  3. Let the other parent know how you can share in taking the child(ren) to sport practices, doctor appointments, etc.
  4. Don’t have an expectation that they have to help all the time with transportation.  ASK them to help you.  Don’t assume they will say “no.”
  5. Medical appointments do your best to give the other parent 48 hours or more notice on regular appointments.  Ex. Child is sick. Let the other parent know as soon as possible in an email and maybe call.  Parents should not withhold care when a child is sick.

Why the other parent objects to making payment:

  1. Parent is not communicating with them and there is a heavy expectation of payment without asking first.
  2. Other parent wants to be consulted, included and not looked at as an ATM.
  3. Other parent wants to be respected.  HUGE one.
  4. Give every opportunity to the other parent to be included on the decision making when it comes to their child.  Do not make any unilateral decision.  (Ask me about this one.)
  5. Be reasonable on expenses if you are asking for reimbursement.  Provide the other parent with some options.  Ex. Shoe prices. List 2-3 shoe stores.  This lets the parent know that you are being mindful about the expense.

Lack of cooperation on reimbursement:

  1. Courts will most  likely find in favor of the parent who asks and puts everything in writing
  2. Courts will examine the actual need and determine the reimbursement.
  3. Costs you will incur for lack of payment can far exceed what is due to the other parent.
  4. If you are not in agreement of the expense, provide a good reasonable explanation as to why you cannot participate in the expense.  The judge will look at your explanation.

Do the right thing by your child.  It will pay off in the long run.  Besides, you have many opportunities to celebrate in your child’s milestones!

Trust yourself.  If you could use some assistance on refining your existing parenting plan or need to make one, please contact our office for a free consultation.

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)


Communication comes with Challenges

Communication comes with challenges, but tomorrow brings promise

By: Pk Jordan               Communication Challenges

Communication can seem easy for most, but at times it is really challenging.  In a business setting if your feeling emotionally stressed about a matter, take a time out for yourself.  Collect your thoughts.  Then you can write your proposal or objective with ease and keeping the objective positive.

Personal matters. Same rules apply.  If you feel pressure in your chest, your temperature is hot, then slow your roll.  Relationships are paramount in all of our lives.  Especial family and friends.  Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself time to return to the matter.

Be future focused rather than pulling the trigger now when your communication skills are lacking at the moment.

Today happened, tomorrow brings promise.

Serving others is an honor. What you think and say matters to your mediator!

We assist families across the United States through Virtual Mediation through Video Conferencing. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)


10 ways to effectively communicate with limited emotions

By PK Jordan         Communication During Divorce


Communication in the midst of a divorce is not easy

Communicating with your spouse during a divorce can be difficult.  You are trying to figure out how to navigate during the divorce.  The question you are having are:

  • How will I survive this divorce?
  • How can I financially make it on my own?
  • Will, he/she, take everything and leave me nothing?
  • What about the kids?
  • Where will I live?

You are hurt, and you want to tell the other spouse off.  I don’t blame you, but by doing so, you will have a lot of regrets later for many reasons that you are not thinking of during a heated exchange with your spouse. Here are some ideas that I can highlight for you:

  • Your spouse can record you and use it for a later time ex. the court or play it back for the kids
  • Stress can overwhelm your adrenal glands and can exaggerate health conditions beyond your control
  • Children can overhear your conversation, and that will leave a lasting impression for years to come
  • A lack of control of your emotions can greatly impact your negotiations with the other parent
Mediation can help you communicate with your spouse

The thought of speaking to your spouse, seeing your spouse or hearing them overwhelms you with either anxiety or anger.  If this is the case, then we have some work to do.  Realize you have a choice.  I don’t recommend you speaking to them while you are a hot head.  It is important to treat each other with the mutual respect that way you both can effectively communicate and come to an agreement.  Below are some suggestions on how to effectively communicate with your spouse.

10 ways to effectively communicate with limited emotions:

  • Before speaking on the phone, think and speak from a good place and open heart
  • When asking for something, put it in writing ex. email
  • Limit your communication if you’re upset (give yourself 24 hours before calling or emailing)
  • Write your communications as if a judge is going to decide your case.
  • If you have children: if you don’t have anything nice to say about the other parent, keep it to yourself
  • Have a designated number for the other parent to call you or your children ex. magic jack
  • Remember to receive something; you have to give something
  • Examine the why, what, when, where, and the how of your communications
  • If there are kids, make it about the Kids.  Your agenda should not be a priority
  • Take time out for yourself so that you are centered and healthy

Why is texting not a good option for communication?

Texting is instant and loses translation on how people feel.  The communication is short and not always to the point.  If a spouse wanted to use your texts later in court, it will most likely not translate well before a judge.  Email can be instant, but the content in your email will reflect better communication by you in a more formal setting.  It will cause you to think, review and decide whether to send it now or tomorrow.  A text is instant, and you are living in the NOW moment and feel as though you can’t wait until tomorrow.  I am telling you to resist the temptation.  You will thank me later.

Remember Text messaging and emails are forever, you can’t take it back once you send it.  It’s a permanent record.

Should you consider having a designated phone number?

I put this out there so that you can preserve a piece of sanity and reclaim some control in your life.  I have used this method myself, and it works wonders.  Many years ago I had to disconnect my home phone and change my cell phone number.  When I looked at my caller ID, I had tightness in my chest and anxiety.  While at the airport one day a stranger suggested a simple thing “Have you considered changing your number and giving them a designated number?”  The thought did not cross my mind until then.  I didn’t want to incur a monthly bill, so I learned about magic jack.  $40 a year.  That was a no-brainer.  Here is what you can gain with a designated number:

  • Regain calm when the phone rings
  • Meets the requirements of the court having a number for the parent to call or an email to communicate with you
  • You can choose how to communicate with the other parent when you want to (this does not mean you ignore the other parent)
  • Other parent does not control you anymore
  • Allow you to take a step back when you are not in a good place to communicate
  • The aim and fire approach is no longer available.  You are now in control of your emotions.

The importance of putting everything in writing?

Email is a great way to have a record of your agreement with the other parent.  If you ever have to go to court, a judge can see the agreement and see how you communicate with the other parent.   Your communications will give the judge insight of your parenting styles.  Ex.  If you both parents agree on a sport for your child to participate in and how you will split the costs, you now have a record of your agreement.  If one parent does not honor the agreement, then a judge will make their ruling based on your agreement.  Verbal does not always hold up in court

Serving others is an honor. What you think and say matters to your mediator!

We assist families across the United States through Virtual Mediation through Video Conferencing. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)

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