Who qualifies for spousal maintenance/alimony?

Who qualifies for spousal maintenance/alimony?

By: PK Jordan


Divorce is on the horizon.  You have many concerns running through your mind.  You were provided for over the years, but now you’re facing new changes in your life.  Over the years, you have been a stay-at-home Mom or have very little job experience.    Nobody ever plans for divorce.  The reality is how are you going to live on your own and pay your bills???   Mediation can help you explore those options.  Below are some areas that you may qualify for spousal maintenance/alimony:

Is your education obsolete?

  • Have you been out of the work force for a substantial amount of time?
  • Was your job a stay-at-home mom for a long period of time?
  • Do you have a chronic health condition that limits you for working outside the home?
  • Do you have a special needs child that needs 24 hour care?
  • Medical insurance is too expensive to get on your own due to medical needs?
  • Where you married for a long time?
  • Did you participate in building a business with your spouse?

Keep in mind every State has their own criteria on who qualifies for spousal maintenance/alimony.  The items of qualifications need to be verified with the State’s Law.  The areas of possible qualifications are only provided for informational purposes.  This article is not invented as legal advice or determination.   Each case is unique and needs may vary from family to family.

East Valley Mediator can help you in figuring out your spousal maintenance need.  We would be glad to assist you in this matter. Call today for a Free Consult.

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)



Realistic Parenting Style Expectations

Realistic Parenting Style Expectations

By PK Jordan

Both parents should do their best to remain united when it comes to communication with each other and how you will raise your children. Don’t worry about giving notice to the children that you will speak with the other parent. It will reduce the opportunities for the children to circumvent and/or play both parents against each other.

Communication during divorce with limited emotion - 10 ways to effectively communicate with limited emotions

Here are some tips that both parents can live by:

Parenting Style Expectations:

  1. You cannot expect the other parent to parent like you.
  2. If your child has committed a grave wrong-doing at home, school, etc., you can share it with the other parent.
  3. Allow the other parent to decide the punishment at their home during their parenting time.
  4. Don’t make your recommendation on what the punishment should be at the other parents home. Your opinion is not always going to be welcomed. Only offer your opinion when asked.
  5. You can share with the other parent on how you will implement a punishment at your home. You are welcomed to ask for their thoughts.
  6. Don’t take it personally if they have a difference of opinion.       If you don’t want the truth, don’t ask for it.
  7. When you speak to the other parent, do not tell them “how”they need to think on a matter.
  8. When sharing something about the kids, don’t leave anything out or it can affect your credibility with the other parent and child.
  9. Don’t assume the other parent knows what you are thinking.       You may get the other parents support on your way of thinking.

It is a lot more fruitful when our parents work together. All parents have the ability to be reasonable, so long as we don’t demand the other parent to think as we think. Remember communication is all in how we deliver the message.

If you find that you are not able to communicate effectively with the other parent, we are here to guide our families through the process of effective communication. I am a mother of two teenagers and continue to learn techniques that work through my coaches and family counselors. Be a proactive parent today!

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)


Seeking reimbursement on outstanding bills from your spouse

Seeking Reimbursement on Outstanding Bills from Spouse

By PK Jordan

You are recovering from the Christmas season.  The kids are starting sports and they have outgrown their soccer shoes or their basketball shoes.  You say to yourself “I just bought those a few months ago.”  It is easier to share the burden when there are two incomes,  but you don’t want to ask for assistance from the other parent and deal with the hassle that can come with it.


Fast forward to a failed reimbursement issue(s) with your spouse or soon to be ex-spouse.  This is a common problem in many families.  I have some solutions in preventing this from happening.  Let me provide some explanation on why these issues occur.

  1. Parent makes the decision without consulting the other parent.
  2. Parent who is expecting reimbursement thinks they are entitled to continue their life style as it was during marriage.
  3. Some parents have not made the distinction that there are no longer two combined incomes.
  4. Parent fails to explain before the expense was incurred.
  5. Parent fails to put the agreement in writing for the approved expenses between parents.

Solution to Reimbursement:

  1. Before incurring the expense, email the other parent to give them an opportunity to review and assess.
  2. Give the other parent specifics: Ex. Sports.  Time, Location, Frequency, duration of season, cost.
  3. Let the other parent know how you can share in taking the child(ren) to sport practices, doctor appointments, etc.
  4. Don’t have an expectation that they have to help all the time with transportation.  ASK them to help you.  Don’t assume they will say “no.”
  5. Medical appointments do your best to give the other parent 48 hours or more notice on regular appointments.  Ex. Child is sick. Let the other parent know as soon as possible in an email and maybe call.  Parents should not withhold care when a child is sick.

Why the other parent objects to making payment:

  1. Parent is not communicating with them and there is a heavy expectation of payment without asking first.
  2. Other parent wants to be consulted, included and not looked at as an ATM.
  3. Other parent wants to be respected.  HUGE one.
  4. Give every opportunity to the other parent to be included on the decision making when it comes to their child.  Do not make any unilateral decision.  (Ask me about this one.)
  5. Be reasonable on expenses if you are asking for reimbursement.  Provide the other parent with some options.  Ex. Shoe prices. List 2-3 shoe stores.  This lets the parent know that you are being mindful about the expense.

Lack of cooperation on reimbursement:

  1. Courts will most  likely find in favor of the parent who asks and puts everything in writing
  2. Courts will examine the actual need and determine the reimbursement.
  3. Costs you will incur for lack of payment can far exceed what is due to the other parent.
  4. If you are not in agreement of the expense, provide a good reasonable explanation as to why you cannot participate in the expense.  The judge will look at your explanation.

Do the right thing by your child.  It will pay off in the long run.  Besides, you have many opportunities to celebrate in your child’s milestones!

Trust yourself.  If you could use some assistance on refining your existing parenting plan or need to make one, please contact our office for a free consultation.

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)


Physical Stress During Divorce

Physical stress during divorce

By PK Jordan

There is financial stress, work stress and then there’s the stress at home in managing your family.  Sound familiar? You take everything in stride because everything appears normal to you.  NOW you are coping with going through a divorce or just finalized your divorce not too long ago. 

You are getting sick more often, you’re on edge; you’re sleep deprived or just wondering “why is this happening to me?”  Trust me; there are many families that understand what you are experiencing.  When it comes to divorce, it is all in “how we manage and react” to this new season in your life. 

Managing your stress alone is not a good idea.  This is a stress like no other.  It has been 8 years since my divorce and it was not easy, but I did have help during it.  Here are some suggestions on support partners:

Emotional Support:

  1. Your parents.  Objective support that will tell you when you are doing wrong.
  2. Family Counselor can help you go through the storm that comes with divorce.
  3. If you attend church: Women’s Ministry, Celebrate Recovery, or Pastoral Care.
  4. Your friends.  Support that will build you up and not judge you. That includes not judging the other parent.  Judging the other parent only fuels the fire.
  5. A Life Coach can assist you in making a plan and helping you find balance in your life.

Financial Professional Support:

  1. Financial Planner that can help you with a new financial plan for you and your children for your future. 
  2. Accountant/CPA can help you forecast into your future based on past years experience to anticipate future penalties or taxes to protect you properly.
  3. Budgeting specialists can help you stay on track concerning your finances and minimize the stress.
  4. Personal Bankers can help you manage your families banking needs.
  5. Meet with your insurance agent to evaluate your existing accounts to see if adjustments need to be made.  Ex. Deductibles, coverage amounts, etc.

Health Support:

  1. Manage your blood pressure.  Learn what a healthy blood pressure is for you.  Ex. Pharmacies have a free blood pressure check machine.
  2. Keep attending your doctor visits with your primary care physician to manage your care. Ex. Depression, Anxiety, chronic illnesses.  Do not ignore your healthcare!
  3. Do not let your adrenal glands work overtime during stress.  This is a danger zone!
  4. Managing your headaches with regular massage therapy or chiropractic care.
  5. Eat before 6pm when possible.  Eating too late can interfere with your sleep patterns and your stress.  Make good choice on your food selections.
  6. Exercise regularly.  Walk for 30 minutes 2-3 times per week, or workout at the gym.  This is critical to manage your stress and allow yourself a “time out” just for you

Managing your symptoms as they relate to stress:

  1. Frequent headaches and migraines.  Chart them down on a calendar.
  2. Lack of sleep.  Chart when you are well rested.  Evaluate what you did the night before.
  3.  Stomach aches. What are you eating?  How often are you engaged in turmoil?  Chart it.
  4. Unexplained body pain.  Pain that feels like: stabbing, sharp, chronic, specific areas, etc.  This is a sign that something is not okay.  Stress sometimes exaggerates pain in our body.  See a doctor.
  5. Anxiety or Overwhelmed.  Feeling like an emotional roller coaster?  Your doctor or natural path doctor can help you manage the emotions you are experiencing during this season in your life.

What you are experiencing is real and should not be ignored.  When your body is under attack, you need to be in communication with professionals that can help support you during this season. 

During my divorce I had a great support system, but I sure lacked in other areas.  My health!  I was too busy managing everything else in my life, kids, work, and litigation in court to notice my health was suffering.  My body paid a huge price.  I was warned by four doctors to get my stress level under control.  I went from being super active to my body shutting down one February morning with uncontrollable pain.  It took two years to be diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  I was sick for two years.  I was exhausted for the longest time and would take two naps a day.  I had an iron deficiency and had multiple iron infusions just so that I can feel better. I had over five procedures to verify loss of blood and two feet surgeries to minimize pain while walking.

Today a lot of my symptoms have improved dramatically.  With managed care from medical professionals and returning back to the gym, I feel like a new person.  Managing your stress is key!!!  You cannot do it alone.

Remember this season is temporary.  Your outcome will depend on “how you react” to your circumstance.  If you would like to know more about how mediation can help you, we offer a free consultation.   

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)


Making new memories and traditions during divorce

Making new memories and traditions during divorce

By PK Jordan

 Tips for Creating Memories & Traditions during divorce

The past doesn’t mean you forget, but it allows you build on the traditions or to start new ones.  If you have children, they are also going through the changes just like you.  They have two households now.  The children are sometimes confused and are uncertain of what to say or do at the other household.  The children would like to “remember when…” as much as possible.   Prepare the children that this is an opportunity to make new memories and traditions with the other parent.  Get the children involved by asking the following:

  • What do you like most about our holiday traditions?
  • Do you like to bake?  Crafts?  Cards? For Easter, Valentine’s, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.
  • Ask them if they have any scents/smells that remind them of something special?
  • Ask them to ask the other parent if they can keep some of these traditions alive.  (Do not tell the other parent that they must do this.  Allow the children to ask the other parent. There is a stronger likelihood the tradition will be carried on.  Your input would not be valued by the other parent.)
  • Family dinner time, do the kids like it?  Why?
  • What does it mean to you when we go to your sporting events?
  • What kind of parent do you want me to be to you?  (Only ask if the kids are old enough)

These are some suggestions to keep the communication open with your children.  During divorce, you will find that the children have simple needs.  They want your time!  Stuff doesn’t always matter.  Before you know it your children will be gone.  Time is what matters most.

The goal here is for you, as a parent to participate in your children’s mile stones such as: birthdays, recitals, sporting events, meets, graduation high school and college, boot camp, marriage and the birth of your grandchild.

Divorce is hard on everyone, not just you.  Make these years count.  When your children look back at the how you all handled this season, these experiences will speak volumes into their adult lives.

We assist families across the United States through Web Mediation. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)


Divorce Paperwork Checklist

Divorce Paperwork Checklist

By: PK Jordan            Divorce Paperwork

You are filing for a divorce and many ask themselves, “How do I prepare for divorce?”  The best thing you can do is, gather copies of all of your important papers.  What is considered important papers?  Here are some suggestions:

  • Tax returns 3 years
  • Bank statements  (Checking & Savings) of ALL accounts one year worth of each
  • Retirement accounts (401k, IRA, SEP Acct., etc.)  4 quarterly statements
  • Stock Trade Accounts – 4 quarterly statements
  • Real estate property Warranty deeds for each property
  • Mortgage loan statements
  • Credit card statements 12 months for each account
  • Money market account 12 months statements
  • Business tax returns – 3 years of completed returns (includes Schedule C, K1, etc.)
  • Business itemized annual expenses (accountant can provide this for you)
  • Copy of Business LLC, Partnership, Corporation Agreements
  • Life Insurance Policy Statements
  • Disability Policy Statements
  • Insurance Coverage: autos, boats, trailers, ATV’s, etc. (for each vehicle)
  • Copy of Titles for autos, boats, trailers, ATV’s, etc.

There are many other documents needed, but this will get you started.  These documents will be needed by your mediator, attorney or the courts for review to determine child support and or possibly spousal maintenance if you are eligible.

Why are these documents needed?  

It will help your mediator, attorney and the courts in assisting you in your divorce to determine the assets and liabilities in your case.  Nobody knows the expenses better than you do on what it costs to provide for your family.  An evaluation of the expenses will be based on the needs of your family.  Your input is very helpful in determining what a reasonable child support would be for your family.

When you visit your mediator, attorney or the courts, always provide a COPY of these documents.  You keep the originals.  Remember, if you don’t know how to read these documents, ask your trusted professional.

Serving others is an honor. What you think and say matters to your mediator!

We assist families across the United States through Virtual Mediation through Video Conferencing. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)


Mediation Topics for Divorce Sessions

Mediation Topics for Divorce Sessions

By: PK Jordan             Divorce Mediation Topics

Often times there appears to be a mystery on what is involved in a divorce proceeding.  Well, I am here to eliminate the mystery and to give you a snapshot of things for you to consider during your divorce.   Here are some of the topics of discussion:

  • Parenting Plan
  • Substitute for Childcare
  • Asset Distribution
  • Debt Distribution
  • Financial Asset Allocations IRA’s, Social Security,  401(k)
  • Child Support
  • Spousal Maintenance
  • Insurance(s)  Life, Auto, Health, Disability
  • Division of Personal Property
  • Real Estate Distributions
  • Small Business Dissolution in Marriage
  • Taxes (Personal/Business)  IRS, STATE, Privilege Tax to State
  • Dependent Tax Deduction and Schedule for your children
  • Educational needs for the children
  • Medical needs for the children
  • Legal Fees
  • Future Modification(s)
  • Pet care
  • Grandparent visitation

There are many other topics of discussion during a divorce mediation session.   I want you to be prepared for what is to come in the beginnings of your divorce.  Your decisions are not to be taken lightly and being prepared is important.

 Mediation is a great way to start your proceedings.

Many courts require the parties to seek resolution by working with conciliation services or a mediator before you can go before a Judge.  In mediation, you will be heard, your ideas will matter and you are given the opportunity to be involved in the decision making of your families future.

If there are other topics you would like to discuss, mediation is a place where you can cover your areas of concern.  With my clients, it’s not always about the money, but about specific emotional needs of assurance for their future.

We do interview teenage children (with the parent’s involvement) on questions they want us to ask during the session with their minor children in private.  This has helped a lot of families for parenting time and preserving the relationships of the children with their parents.  This allows the minor children to be heard and it assists parents in making the parenting plan to best suit their families needs.

Serving others is an honor. What you think and say matters to your mediator!

We assist families across the United States through Virtual Mediation through Video Conferencing. Call today for a Free Consult.

(Courtesy of East Valley Mediator 480-788-4187)